Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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