I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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