She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
