before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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