i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
