i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
