Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
