guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
