Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
