her vagine was all disorganized.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just pee around me
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
