I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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