I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
