i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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