It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
i need some magic done to my vagina
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
