I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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