Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
