I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
even my farts smell like vagina
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
