I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Still dying that you shit outside
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
