Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
