I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize