i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
