this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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