hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
