What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
