so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Randomize
