someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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