Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
