I am puke
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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