He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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