So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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