i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize