did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
