when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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