how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
