If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
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