i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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