Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
