You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
