I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
