Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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