I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
