he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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