DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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