yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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