I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
