the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
