Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
