i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
