I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize