The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
