I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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