That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
