It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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