Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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