Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
