we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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