hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just had sex bonerless
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Can you bring me the toilet please
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
