i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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