Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
