i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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