I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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