just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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