Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
