Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
