I met the friendliest cop last night
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
