I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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