He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
